Welcoming change

Last night, I attended my local ACoA meeting. Something happened: I let go. As strange as it may sound, the lead was on trait 7, the person that spoke shared part of his struggle growing up with his toxic mom. His mom was very similar to my mom. As he spoke, I started crying though the tears felt different, as if I was grieving. I asked for a 1-2-3 meeting afterward. I was informed that I was metamorphosing, changing. I admitted I was not so much "scared" as felt something was different. I struggle with emotions so tried at first to keep my tears, though as they were coming down my face, I felt as if I was letting go of a poison. I can't quite explain it. In retrospect, I felt as if I was grieving part of me: the child inside me who couldn't speak up.
I wish to share that I recently chose to make changes for my own good. I comprehend I cannot change anyone else other than myself. So I am working toward improving myself: cease being in denial about my behavior as an adult. First, I act very much as a "child" and not an adult. I tend to seek ways out whenever facing difficult "painful" situations. If I fear, I run. Well, I can speak from experience, if you truly want to overcome a fear, you must face it. I was scared of motorcycles, so took a riding course. In the end, I enjoyed it so much that I now have a motorcycle. Perhaps, what I fear is not so much what I think I fear, but rather I fear what I think I shouldn't like. Another fear of mine is being alone, so I tend to cling to people. Recently, I chose to let go of someone, as I realized I couldn't be the person I wanted to be for as long as I ran away from my past. While, I confess it was hard to set boundaries, I actually feel much better. I am doing what matters: taking care of myself. I need to spend time to better myself: break the dysfunctional pattern I learned. In other words, I am welcoming change, I wish to uncover my true character and cease being fake.
So, I am grateful for these incredible tears last night, I was grieving. My grief process is setting me free from denial.