Making progress while learning to be patient

Last night, I attended an EA meeting (Emotions Anonymous) and tonight a CoDA meeting (Codependent Anonymous). I confess I really believe that these help me work on my recovery. How? I am obligated to work on myself and acknowledge my behavior. Tonight, I acknowledged that I still have anger from my childhood, I expressed how I felt abandoned by my father. Despite comprehending he and my mom did not know any better, they did not have the tools to be better parents. I am upset that he didn't shield me better from her illness. I also blurted out something that shocked me once out: he told me that my mother began drinking when she was pregnant with me. I resented him for saying this as I felt he was blaming me for her drinking. I felt he was saying that I caused my mom to drink as a means to cope with her pregnancy. All these years, I felt I was being told I was responsible for her drinking. That infuriates me as I felt shame and guilt. In truth, I still struggle with my feelings toward my parents. On one hand, I feel I must love them despite the pain. On another hand, I pity them as I feel sorry for what happened to them when little. Which led me to think or rather ask myself a hard question: do I love or pity them? Isn't one of my traits confusing pity  and love? Do I love them? or do I pity them? In truth at this point, I don't know. While I start feeling anxious as what should be my answer, I remind myself "one day at a time" and to give it to God "let go, let God". So for tonight, I will not torture myself as to figure out what I feel for them: pity or love. Instead, I will pray for further guidance and courage to keep working on my own recovery. I will ask for help with my anxiety by wishing for more serenity and peace.