A closer look at trait 6

Tonight, the lead discussed at my ACoA meeting was on trait 6: "We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults"

I have to confess this trait is certainly pertinent to me. I confess that I had started recently to recognize my tendency to get myself into others' drama. As for instance when I got myself involved with the kid who was a heroin addict or with that acquaintance who is going through a divorce. I also reflected on the fact that I felt more in power as I came to be now aware of my tendency to feel responsible for others, hence my need to work on setting boundaries. I shared that when thoughts crossed my mind about others and their own problems, I pull my red book and instead keep myself busy about working my own steps. I suppose in a way I am shifting my attention to my own drama. I shouldn't fix others, I should fix myself. I also agreed that by concerning myself with others' problems, not only was I avoiding looking at my own problem, I was playing the victim. As it is mentioned in the Red Book (p. 14) "by taking on too much work and responsibility, the person can vault into a fit of rage, collapse, or isolation. The person hopes to garner sympathy and pity. The victim reemerges." Well, I don't want to become that resentful person when I am overwhelmed and then play the victim. Plus, as the book states (p. 14): "by concerning ourselves with others and their chaos, we avoid doing anything about our own lives. By being overly concerned about others, adult children wrongly think they are involved in life. In reality they are missing life." Once again, "playing the victim or being overly responsible allows the adult child to avoid focusing on himself or herself." (p. 14) Well, I don't want to miss out on my life nor do I want to manipulate others by playing the victim.