As I expressed in my last post, I get myself into situations that I regret afterward. For instance, I have a false relationship with someone who is struggling in his personal life: divorce and a sibling in the hospital. I know that I got sucked in as he wished to see me as a friend. In truth, I feel very uncomfortable around him. I wish I could help though I comprehend today that I can't. I need to set boundaries. For one, his marriage regards him, I can listen though I admit I don't want to get involved. It regards him and his spouse. This also makes me realize that my "own" relationship regards me and my loved one and nobody else. I comprehend that we all are guilty of seeking advises from our so called "friends" though I start to think we are fraud. By that I mean, in truth I think we vent more about what we cannot control, than seek advises. For instance, sometimes our "friends" will tell us what we already know and don't want to hear. As a result, we pretend or rather ignore their "advises", meaning we don't listen. Second, there is two side to every story, meaning he is seeking a sympathetic ear. Well that's great but I am not a shrink nor am I better experienced to advise him. I mean I can't even figure my own relationship. Third, by letting him call me whenever, he is interfering in my own life. He also is forming a "relationship" I don't want. It is inappropriate toward my loved one. I now comprehend that I am at fault for permitting these types of situations to affect me. So, I informed that friend that while I wish him well through this difficult time, (I will certainly wish well for his sister and hope that this phase of his life (his divorce) sorts itself out soon,) I have my own problems to sort out. Hence, I am no longer picking up the phone when he calls nor do I agree to meet to discuss his life. He has a lawyer and his close family and friends for this. I don't owe him my own life.
Last week I would pick up when he'd call or would return his call even though didn't want to. I would say what he wanted to hear, essentially he was right about the divorce and that hope was not lost for his sister. In truth, I was doing it because I thought I was "God" I could help him. No, I was delusional and stressed out. I felt guilty for not picking up to hear all about his sorrows, or I'd feel wrong as I have a loved one and fear that my talking to this man was totally disrespectful to him. I now recognize that I placed myself in that situation. I suppose I chose to remove myself from this situation as I realized I had my own problems to deal with: sorting my life. As my friend likes to say: I must put myself first and stop being a doormat for others.
A step of recovery is to let go and accept the help of a higher power. Below is something that helped me say "no more" (from Jesus today by Sarah Young p. 6): "You feel held down, held back, and powerless to change things. You long to break free and feel in control of your life once again. Although this is an uncomfortable position, it is actually a good place to be. Your discomfort awakens you from the slumber of routine and reminds you that I am in charge of your life."
I was tired of feeling "guilty" and uncomfortable after listening to this man so I had to let go, accept I am not God so can't solve his issues. Also, I had to stop trying to be in control when I am not. So here I am giving it up as it says in 1 Peter 5:6-7 (from Jesus today p. 7): "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
I humbled myself by accepting I am not God and can't fix others or him. I also accepted that the feelings of guilt I felt expressed my discomfort so I had to cease this unhealthy relation.
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