Lately I don't know what I am thinking and feeling. Like tonight, it is now passed 2am and still can't fall asleep. I must say there has been a lot that happened in the past few months. My mother seemed to genuinely apologize for not always being a "mom". She expressed that she realized that as she gets older she fears she ruined her children' lives. This month, I sent her 3 mother's day cards, a first for me. I also turned 31 years old and got married without my family knowing about it.
Everything seems to have happened so fast. In truth, I was scared to get married. Surprisingly, I felt more grounded, more secure after as if I now feel I am part of a family. It's as if I longed all these years to feel part of a family: my own family. My dogs are definitely my family though my now husband is someone who may help me build my very own family. He wants 4 kids, we have and share similar dreams. I suppose only time will tell.
In the meantime, it is a journey. I started going back in therapy, it seems I am finally becoming the woman inside me. I feel less so like a child now. Strange though I also feel as if I am lost, feel uncertain who I am. I am working to discover who I am as an adult. I confess I am a bit excited to finally find my path and uncover myself.
