When it hurts

I confess that I am not doing well. I recently discovered that the person I cared for, was seeing other women on the side. It hurt and hurts even now. Truth is I don't know if I can trust him. I care though I start to wonder  if he even cares about me. I wish I could talk with him and tell him how I feel though I fear his response. I comprehend that my fear is a sign that there is a problem. For one, I fear speaking up for myself as I fear being told it does not matter what I feel. Second, I fear he may get upset with my insecurity and will start arguing with me as my parents did. I dislike fights so I rather keep quiet though keeping my own feelings to myself is also frustrating and unhealthy. I begin resenting having met him. He hurt me and I don't know if he'll stop. I don't want to "lose" him though I also am sick of being played by him and I certainly do not want to lose myself.

Letting go by being honest with yourself

Truth is I am done being treated like "crap". I was naive to the point of wanting to believe that my "friend" cared about me. While I believed his many lies, I also woke up from my bad dream. For instance, on monday morning I found myself crying after he reproached me of making him breakfast. I realized then that I will never be able to live with him. Then he dares text me that he cares and requests to know my whereabouts then he disappears as I wonder if he is with another girl. In truth, I am done of letting him think that he has me wrapped around his finger. He is in for a surprise. I want out as I know I can do so much better.