Setting yourself as to be used

In the last few days, I attended an Emotions Anonymous meeting and a Codependent Anonymous meeting. Reflecting upon these meetings, I come to realize I need to forgive myself: let go. I confess I attempt to control all I ever do as I hope to manipulate the outcome. Hence, I don't let myself "play" or even "laugh" out of fear to be punished if do so. I admitted I am afraid to let go and learn to be happy. Someone mentioned that even my need to pay my way when dating is setting myself as a victim. In truth, I shared that I don't let men or others pay for me as I fear I will owe them something for it. However, that someone expressed that by not letting them pay, I was permitting these people to use me. I hadn't thought of it this way, though it seems to make sense. For instance, I complained that my boyfriends have never or rarely treated me to dinner. Why would they if they know I will pick up the tab. Not only am I setting myself to be victimized as used, I also don't let them pull their own weight into the relationship.