In the Red Book (p.139): "I had this fantasy about love. I didn't know how to love myself, so I always looked for men to be my gods. I did anything a man told me to do: I changed my hair; I changed my makeup; I changed my clothes; and I behaved in the way he wanted me to behave. [...] When I left the house and went to work I was a totally different person. I didn't know how to be real. I was a fake. I was abandoning myself. I finally learned that abandoning myself would not take care of my abandonment or rejection issues." Reading this I recognized myself in my past relationships.
I am working on remedying to this. I am figuring out who I am, what I like. Trying to face my fear and my shame, a friend recommended "Healing the shame that binds you" by John Bradshaw. I ordered it tonight as I comprehend it is supposedly a tool I may benefit from. I want to change. I am changing, no longer abandoning myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment