Wanting more - putting yourself first

I find it strange how one can be in denial to protect itself. I thought I knew what I felt and wanted. In truth, I am struggling trying to figure it out. I may love someone though I fear letting myself do so as I fear losing myself and most importantly not get the respect I deserve. I find myself feeling confused. On one hand, I want to let go and love him. On another, I don't know if it is wise to do so, as I begin to think he cannot respect me. As a result, I begin to feel "detached". You see I am tired of pretending and I don't want to play games. There is a part of me that is wanting more, fighting for a better me. It took me a while to figure it out. As I am starting to say "NO" and to set boundaries as well as cut loose these toxic individuals, I start feeling "happier". Though, I will share that I never suspected that would come a time where I wouldn't care as much either. In the end, I am learning that I can love someone though I am loving myself more. Hence, I am not willing to compromise myself anymore. In the past, I would tolerate much, while now I start to think "I deserve better". I suppose I had enough. On Tuesday as my ex made comments as to make me jealous, I felt pain. The pain let me know I don't like it. I confess I don't want to feel such pain again for the rest of my life. I was reminded though during our interaction that he would continue to hurt me if allowed. Whether he intends for it or not, I was hurt and I no longer want to hurt. I suppose when you begin to get healthier, you start wanting more including "respect".