Default

Tonight at my ACOA meeting, I was reminding that my recovery can only happen if I am willing to do the work. By that, be honest with myself and do my own inventory when need to. Hence, tonight as we discussed as a group "default", meaning how each one of us tends to do "such" when facing something that makes us feel uncomfortable, I recognized what were my "defaults".

I realized that when I am faced with an uncomfortable situation, I tend to "avoid" it. It seems evident to me that when confronted to a tough situation, I would rather "avoid" it. I dislike "confrontations". My other default tends to be my most common way of handling any discomfort: "clam up". By that, I mean, I would rather keep my own personal thoughts regarding a matter to myself instead of daring opposing someone. Hence, I often end up doing what others do as I fear upsetting or even worse disappoint anyone. Though in the end, I only disappoint myself as I follow their lead. Another default of mine is "anger". I noticed that it is very easy for I to turn to anger when I cannot control the situation I am in. While I am not proud of it, I come to be aware of it and work toward understanding why I choose to react versus acting. Last, I came to admit that another default of mine is "manipulation". I try anything to avoid a situation including trying to manipulate the outcome when faced with something I found terrifying. In other words, I attempt to manipulate what I can't control as an attempt to pretend to myself that I am somehow in control though I am not.

What are your defaults? (I think of "defaults" as my "surviving and coping skills").