Lately, I was faced with the reality that I tend to become codependent in my relationships. I try my best to please others as in hope to never feel abandoned. In the end, I resent myself. I've heard that in order to get passed a fear, you must confront it. First, I must admit that I am scared to be alone. Though is it more because I don't like who I am or is it that I feel the pain of feeling abandoned as I felt as a child? In truth, I think it is a bit of both.
I admit that I struggle with some of my "traits" such as I blurt out things as I think them.... as a result, I tend to fear what may come out of my mouth. As a child, I still remember feeling shamed by my peers for not comprehending jokes. I still to this day struggle with jokes. I tend to overanalyze jokes to the point of criticizing them. Well, let's just say, this is not a great way to make friends.
As a child, my mother was the one to make me feel inadequate: she withheld her love toward me. Today, I comprehend neither she and or my father had the tools to demonstrate their love toward us (kids). They never hugged us nor said "I love you", instead, as sick as it may sound, we heard criticisms after criticisms. I felt like I was never good enough.
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