Last night, I watched "A monster calls". I cried a lot during this movie though I was most surprised how much I felt as Connor comes to feel "unwanted" by his father. I could relate and I began crying, not peacefully but painfully. It triggered deep buried memories of my own feelings growing up. I felt unwanted by my mother and at times by my parents. I was hurt, as I cried, I realized how much my past still held power over me, it was haunting me. I was not over the hurt.
Growing with an alcoholic parent was not easy, under the influence, my mother could say heartless things that still to this day haunts me as I felt unloved. I also came to realize as I cried that I had two options: pretend it didn't happen or feel my pain and try to grow from it. I chose the latter, I was crying because I had been deeply wounded, I felt lonely and unloved. I saw my recovery as I accepted my feeling of hurt. I needed to accept openly to myself that I was still not yet fully over my past: I was still the little girl who desperately wanted to feel loved.
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