Fear of the past or fear of the future

Truth is I still live in fear. I wish I could tell you with certitude that my fear of the past is gone. It seems at times that my past is haunting me. I have times now where I hurt then shut down as to pretend it never happened. I understand it is typical coping mechanism behavior. Though there is more, a few weeks ago, I woke up drenched in sweat and crying, I had night terrors from my past. I know today that I am okay, the Hulk is far away, though is the Hulk truly gone. It seems at times that it is luring around in my sleep or when someone does raise their voice... My past seems so persistent as to resurface though is it my fear from my past or me not choosing to fully let go? Am I afraid to let go as I fear facing my future: a world without a Hulk? I wish I could say with certainty that I have healed and have learned to let go, I can't. I think that nobody with a Hulk parent can truly forget though we can certainly learn to not let it control our lives. My Hulk parent may not seem so far away though I know it is gone and I will not let my fear from my past shadow my future. It may take me time to get over my childhood and my mother's alcoholism though each day is a new day and slowly I continue to heal.