When it hurts

I confess that I am not doing well. I recently discovered that the person I cared for, was seeing other women on the side. It hurt and hurts even now. Truth is I don't know if I can trust him. I care though I start to wonder  if he even cares about me. I wish I could talk with him and tell him how I feel though I fear his response. I comprehend that my fear is a sign that there is a problem. For one, I fear speaking up for myself as I fear being told it does not matter what I feel. Second, I fear he may get upset with my insecurity and will start arguing with me as my parents did. I dislike fights so I rather keep quiet though keeping my own feelings to myself is also frustrating and unhealthy. I begin resenting having met him. He hurt me and I don't know if he'll stop. I don't want to "lose" him though I also am sick of being played by him and I certainly do not want to lose myself.